A Strong Feeling

Hovering around my head was a baleful bird

Ate my passion to love

Tearing all of my heart into pieces

Enveloping me in a cape of obscurity


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Utopia, yeh?

Everything is as it’s supposed to be,

In this place with no fears,

No crying, no tears, no more nightmares.

Unicorn feathers on the floor

Bend down and discover more

Lead me down a trail of crumbs;

End up at a house filled with bums.

Let us leave this place.

Gloomy and almost out of sight,

Leaving those people behind.

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Old stuff from the MC days...

I’m never startled never shaken and I always stir up trouble when I go places

I kick up dust when I leave but they’ve always told me to kick rocks

Instead I live like an avalanche of boulders like a tumbling hail storm during the harvest season that causes a shortage of crops

My flow’s nicer than Thor’s golden locks

But I'm just a stringless violin told I'll never be a part of the orchestra

I sometimes question the reason for my existence

I’m reckless but not wreck less

There are many scratches and dents on this automobile of flesh and bones

Nothings worse than feeling like you don’t belong

Like you don’t even got a home, I live on the road, the Road to Zion

I've got a carburetor in my cranium and as long as there’s drive in my chest then Ima ride on

It’s always nighttime but my lights off

I don’t need them to see where I’m going I’m going to where the bright lights are

That’s why I always bleed my heart out onto the paper when I write songs

That’s why I always rhyme on till my saliva’s gone past when my throat’s sore even when the mic's off

But when I lay my head to sleep I dream of seven seven headed beasts seven days a week

My heart pounds like the rumbling of thunder sweat pours off me like rain makes my clothes moist I can’t move as if held by bolts

I’m alone, but I don’t know if it was my choice or yours

I look around it’s a nice day, sunny, shows how dilapidated the buildings are, funny, just like my soul

I feel the fabric of my shirt, its devoid of fluid, huh who knew a stringless violin could make such beautiful music 

Dear Blaise

I miss you. I’ve missed you since the day you left Miami. But now it’s just an empty feeling inside me that makes me die inside. I’m trying to be happy like you told me. There’s just no one like you here. I honestly can’t put in words how much I miss you or anyone else for that matter. Shawn can’t even talk to me because he says it reminds him of you too much. Blaise, there is no one here that I can fully trust like I trusted you. Not one person on this bloody planet knows me like you do. Yeah I know your probably thinking “But Bhavika, I’m dead why are you talking in the present tense”. Because you’re not dead to me baby. Never. I won’t ever forget any of the memories we had. The best one if I had to pick though, would be the time that you told me you loved me. Blaise no guy, let alone friend, had ever said that to me and meant it… It was the precious moment ever…for me at least. The day that you told me you loved me I was literally floating. Nothing could bring me down that day. Nothing at all, it was like someone had just told me I was fucking queen of the world. Nah, that’s an understatement. Know why? Because I was queen of your heart. You said so yourself. You said that I reigned over it with all the power anyone could muster. I miss you. Why did you have to go out that night? Why couldn’t you have just stayed in? I feel so responsible for your death that it’s ridiculous. Shawn blames himself, I blame me, and Holly and Chuck don’t know what’s going on with their family anymore. Was the Christmas gift you were getting for that important? Did you have to go and get it that night? Blaise why MY gift that night? Why MINE? You got killed because of me. Never, for as long as I live will I ever forget that. Nor will I be fully happy unless I’m with you. So here’s to those douche bags that took you away from me. I’ll kill them even if it’s the last thing I ever do, I swear on your grave that they will pay for what they did to you. But no, I won’t become a murderer or do anything too drastic or stupid. I know you would worry. So fine. For you, I won’t. But don’t think that I’m just going to let this slide. I want them to know what its like to have the most important person in your life be taken away. I want them to just hear the news “Oh yeah, by the way Blaise was murdered today”. I want them to be that devastated. I HATE this stupid as fuck act that I’m putting on acting all smiley and happy. It’s FUCKING BULLSHIT. There’s one person that sees through me like glass though, Jose. Remember him? We met him together when he was having dinner at Chuck’s house. Ha-ha he told us we made a cute couple and we denied even having feelings for each other. Sorry Hun, I didn’t know it then. As they say” You don’t know what you’ve got until you lost it.” I had love. And then I lost you.

The meaning of love...

The beating of my broken heart now chained and locked away.
I hear much louder, through the night than words we never say.
As hollow kisses turn to dust and fall against my skin,
I pray that I might find the strength to fall in love again.
Abandoned silence. Stripped away, discarded on the floor.
In the dirt, I bury hope that love leaves unlocked doors.
I am held, though never cherished, yet to be made whole.
My tears can wipe themselves away, but I must save my soul.
Bare feet, run, take me home where I am mother’s child,
And toward the pale rose sunset for a pretty little while.
If broken wings may carry me home, carry dreams, and carry me to sleep,
Take me far away from love and tell me what it means.