Dear Blaise

I miss you. I’ve missed you since the day you left Miami. But now it’s just an empty feeling inside me that makes me die inside. I’m trying to be happy like you told me. There’s just no one like you here. I honestly can’t put in words how much I miss you or anyone else for that matter. Shawn can’t even talk to me because he says it reminds him of you too much. Blaise, there is no one here that I can fully trust like I trusted you. Not one person on this bloody planet knows me like you do. Yeah I know your probably thinking “But Bhavika, I’m dead why are you talking in the present tense”. Because you’re not dead to me baby. Never. I won’t ever forget any of the memories we had. The best one if I had to pick though, would be the time that you told me you loved me. Blaise no guy, let alone friend, had ever said that to me and meant it… It was the precious moment ever…for me at least. The day that you told me you loved me I was literally floating. Nothing could bring me down that day. Nothing at all, it was like someone had just told me I was fucking queen of the world. Nah, that’s an understatement. Know why? Because I was queen of your heart. You said so yourself. You said that I reigned over it with all the power anyone could muster. I miss you. Why did you have to go out that night? Why couldn’t you have just stayed in? I feel so responsible for your death that it’s ridiculous. Shawn blames himself, I blame me, and Holly and Chuck don’t know what’s going on with their family anymore. Was the Christmas gift you were getting for that important? Did you have to go and get it that night? Blaise why MY gift that night? Why MINE? You got killed because of me. Never, for as long as I live will I ever forget that. Nor will I be fully happy unless I’m with you. So here’s to those douche bags that took you away from me. I’ll kill them even if it’s the last thing I ever do, I swear on your grave that they will pay for what they did to you. But no, I won’t become a murderer or do anything too drastic or stupid. I know you would worry. So fine. For you, I won’t. But don’t think that I’m just going to let this slide. I want them to know what its like to have the most important person in your life be taken away. I want them to just hear the news “Oh yeah, by the way Blaise was murdered today”. I want them to be that devastated. I HATE this stupid as fuck act that I’m putting on acting all smiley and happy. It’s FUCKING BULLSHIT. There’s one person that sees through me like glass though, Jose. Remember him? We met him together when he was having dinner at Chuck’s house. Ha-ha he told us we made a cute couple and we denied even having feelings for each other. Sorry Hun, I didn’t know it then. As they say” You don’t know what you’ve got until you lost it.” I had love. And then I lost you.